Wow.

So, thanks to the handy little voice-to-text feature on the new iPhone, I have been able to quickly record little notes for myself regarding the things Ava has said in the past week. And it's a lot. I don't know if she's just on a roll, or if she's always this amusing and I don't realize it because I never recorded this much of it before. Anyhow...

Me: "Ava, you're so pretty!"

Ava: (proudly) "And SNEAKY!"

**********

Me: "Go Bears!"

Ava: "GO EAGLES! I like the Eagles. Eagles live in the forest."

Me: "Um...yeah, Bears live in the forest, Ava."

Ava: "Oh! Haha! I was just kidding, go Bears!"


(I am not sure how she's deciding which team to cheer for--my Bears or Craig's Eagles--but I suspect she seems to prefer the Eagles because 1. she knows it annoys me, and 2. she thinks eagles are cool, forest-dwelling creatures. Seems legit.)

**********

Ava: "Mommy, are we aliens?! With three hands???"

Me: "No."

Ava: "Oh, okay."

**********

I was asking Ava where her Tinkerbell doll's dress was, because it was freaking me out that Tink was sitting there on her dresser, buck naked, with the other princesses (who had also been naked until I found their dresses for them). She decided to go on a mission to find the dress, and began by rooting around in my makeup drawer.

Ava: (brandishing a makeup brush like a sword) "THIS MAKEUP BRUSH WILL PROTECT US!"

Me: "From what?"

Ava: "The MONSTERS! In the CLOSET!"

Me: "They're afraid of makeup brushes??"

Ava: "YES!"

She proceeds to run into my closet and comes out with Tinkerbell's dress. I have NO IDEA what it was doing in there. Mission accomplished, I guess.

*********

Me: "Oooh Ava, look at those trees! Look at all the beautiful colors of the leaves!"

Ava: "I'm going to rip all the branches off so you can't look at them!"

Me: "Well, that was kind of ugly and unnecessary."

Ava: (in a sing-song voice) "You forgot the spoo-oon, now it's too la-ate, you ca-an't spank me! HA HA!"

Me: "Um, yeah, I wasn't going to spank you for saying that you were going to rip the branches off of trees, but whatever..."

**********

We were listening to a CD of lullaby hymns in the car, my mom's friend sent it for CJ and both kids find it particularly soothing.

Ava: "Oh, Mommy, they said "God!" This song is about God!"

Me: "Yes, you're right, it's a song about God, honey."

Ava: "God is in our hearts."

Me: "Awww, that's so sweet...yes, He is!"

Ava: "I want a Barbie doll."

Me: "..."

**********

Me: (we are in the car) "Ava, please stop kicking your legs."

Ava: "I can't help it, it's my legs! They have to jump!"

Me: "Wow."

**********

Ava: "Oh no! I forgot my phone at home! (pulls out a little plastic horse from her purse) I guess I'll just have to use my horse phone! ("dials" a number on the horse's side and then puts it up to her ear) "Oh, hi! How are you? (pause) We're good! Just out doing an errand! Okay bye!"

**********

Craig: "Ava, if you have one and then you have two more, how many do you have?"

Ava: "Three!"

Craig: "Oh my goodness, that is SCARY. How does she know that? How is she that smart?!"

Me: (I'm pretty sure it's coincidence, because he said one and two, so she just followed with three, so I test her with my own math problem) "Ava, if you have two, and then you add three more, what do you get?"

Ava: (pauses to think) "Pudding!"

Craig: *facepalm*

**********

Ava: (hides her hands behind her back) "Oh my goodness, WHERE ARE MY HANDS???? I think I left them in the forest!"

**********

Me: "Ava look over at CJ, is he asleep?"

Ava: "Nope! He's just chillin'."

**********

Ava: "Mommy, sit down right now or I'll touch your butt with a screwdriver!"

Me: "Jeez Ava, what the heck? Why on earth would you say that? That's really weird!"

Ava: "Haha! Yeah, that's the worst thing I ever said!"

**********

Ava: (sighs) "I wish trees would walk around and talk..."

**********

Ava: "My brain is in my head. It protects my head, it keeps it from falling off."

Me: "Ohhhkay....your brain protects your head?"

Ava: "Yes...so you need to stop talking so much! IT MAKES MY BRAIN HURT!"

**********

Ava now belts out the chorus to "Livin' on a Prayer" frequently...except instead of "Take my hand/and we'll make it, I swear" she thinks it's "Take my HAIR"...this makes me laugh. A lot.

Queen of the Swingset

We were playing in the "tower" on Ava's swingset today (part of the reason I'm so sore...I'm seriously too old to be doing that) and she made a crown out of my belt, put it on my head, and said, "There! Okay, you're the Princess Queen!" Then she shoved me down the slide and yelled, "NOW GO MARRY A KING!"

**********

Ava: (playing with a little plastic lion she got at the dentist's office) "What does this thing DO?? I thought it would roar or something!"

Me: "Ava. It's a tiny little plastic lion. Why on earth would you think it was going to roar?"

Ava: "Yeah. And it doesn't shoot fire either."

Me: "Ummm...what?"

Ava: "Haha! No, lions don't eat fire! What do they eat, Mommy?"

Me: "What do you think they eat?" (This was not said in a sarcastic way, I was trying to see if she actually knew what lions ate.)

Ava: "Meat. They eat meat. What kind?"

Me: "Oh, I don't know. Zebras, antelope, elephants..."

Ava: "Awww, that's MEAN! I like elephants, they're nice! They have babies, and they lay eggs!"

Me: "Wait, what? Did you just say that elephants lay eggs?"

Ava: "HAHA, yeah...just kidding!"

Princess Castles

Ava is very destructive. I know everyone thinks that destructiveness is just a little boy thing but I assure you, it is not. Anyhow, she was about to destroy something else the other day (in the car, so I was powerless to stop her) and this is the resulting conversation:

Me: "AVA. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. If you break that, I will take money out of your piggy bank to pay for it!"

Ava: (wailing) "Noooooo! Mommy you can't take my piggy bank! I'm saving my money for a princess castle!"

Me: "Oh, for your dolls?"

Ava: "No, for me! I need to buy a princess castle to live in!"

Me: "You are going to use your piggy bank money to buy an actual castle....?"

Ava: "YES!"

Me: "Who's going to live there with you?"

Ava: "YOU ARE!"

Me: "Oh. Thanks. So I guess you better stop destroying things so you can get your castle, huh?"

Ava: "Okay! I'm sorry!"

**********

Ava was watching the cartoon "Oswald" on Nick Jr. It's about an octopus that lives in a city, not underwater, and the characters totally give me the creeps. Anyhow...

Ava: (whispering to herself, sounding both fascinated and disturbed) "Oswald...doesn't have a nose????"

Apparently, he does not. But she fixated on this and seemed pretty worried. You really had to be there I guess...

**********

Ava: (Licks my leg for no apparent reason)

Me: "Ava, that is DISGUSTING. DO NOT LICK ME!"

Ava: "Well, it wasn't me! My tongue just wanted to lick something!"

**********

Ava: (Out of her seat at the dinner table for about the fifth time)

Me: "Go back to your seat right now, young lady, or you are going to get popped on your butt!"

Ava: (Goes back to her seat) "Mommy! Can you move that chair? I can't see the TV!" (yeah, we don't normally watch TV during dinner but I was feeling a little lazy today)

Me: "Ava, you are a big girl, you can move it yourself."

Ava: "No, I can't. You told me to stay in my seat."

Me: "You are right. I did. Thank you, I'll go ahead and move that chair for you..."

Ava +1, Mommy +0

**********

Ava: "I'm sick, I have a fever!"

Me: "No, you do not."

Ava: "Yes I do! And it's ALL YOUR FAULT! You talk at me too much and it gave me a FEVER!"

Me: "..."

**********

Craig: (in the daily video he sent to Ava this evening) "Go Eagles!"

Me: (speaking to the video) "No, GO BEARS!"

Ava: (with a very ornery look on her face) "GO EAGLES!"

Me: "Oh, Ava...you are not my child."

Ava: "And you are not my mother!"


**********

Translating Ava-Speak:

1. "gonuts" = donuts

2. "hotted chips with cheese" =  nachos (she refers to heating things up or setting them on fire as "hotting" them)

3. "ambleeance" = ambulance

4. "ridicleeus" = ridiculous

Guarding the Baby

"I have a sword at my house! And if any bad people try to take CJ, I WILL USE MY SWORD AND SEND THEM TO JAIL!"

**********

Ava: "How old are you, Mommy?"

Me: "Thirty-two."

Ava: "Oh, good! You're old enough to watch a movie about sharks!"

Me: "Great!"

**********

Lately, Ava has become convinced we are growing a giant pumpkin in our backyard. She talks about it every day. Today, she said, "We have to invite my friend Emily over! You need to take a picture of us on the giant pumpkin!"
Yes, the pumpkin that does not exist.

It's been awhile.

Once again I have forgotten more of Ava's funny moments than I've remembered, but these days, logging in to the computer and updating is just not possible very often. Starting to wonder if I should do a Twitter account (I currently do not have one) and just tweet it every time she says something. ;o) Thoughts? Better or worse idea than a blog? Anyhow, here ya go....

**********

Ava was doing something bad. I don't remember what. I think throwing food. 

Me: "Ava!! Stop that RIGHT NOW. Do you want a spanking???"

Ava: "Fine. Spank me. Just don't call me a hamster!"

Craig and me, in unison: "HAMSTER!!!"

I have no idea--NO IDEA--what prompted that.

**********

Me: "Ava, when we go to Mimi's house, we're going to the pumpkin farm!"

Ava: "The pumpkin farm? That's REE-DIC-LEE-US!"

**********

On a cold morning, while driving in the car...

Me: "Oh, look at that horse in that field, he's wearing a jacket!"

Ava: "Jack? What? I thought his name was Bullseye!"

Me: "No, not Jack...jacket. The horse is wearing a jacket."

Ava: "His name is Bullseye!"

Me: "JACKET. JACKET. Like a coat. Not Jack."

Ava: "So that one isn't Bullseye?"

Me: "Nevermind..."

**********

Ava: *says something funny*

My mom: "Ava, you are a character!"

Ava: "Mimi, you are a lunatic!"

**********

My dad: (talking to CJ, tickling his fat little baby legs) "Look at those little drumsticks!"

Ava: (apparently not sure what my dad is referring to when he says "drumstick") "Not drumsticks...it's called the "penis", Papa."

**********

Me: (playing outside on the hammock with Ava) "Quick! Climb up, there are sharks down there!"

Ava: (looking down at the ground from up on the hammock.) "No, no sharks. It's just mulch."

**********

Me: (I pull my sweatshirt up over my mouth and make Darth Vader noises)

Ava: "NOOOO! That's too scary for me--I'm just a little kid! I'm only three!"

**********

That's all for now....I'll try not to be so long between posts, goodness knows she says enough amusing things to write a post a day! ;o)