The Butt Store

Today is pajama day at preschool....

Ava: "So I get to wear my ballerina pajamas to school today?!"

Me: "Yes, you do!"

Ava: "Why?"

Me: "Because your teachers decided today would be pajama day."

Ava: "OH MY GOODNESS, THIS IS THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER!!!"

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Ava: "Mommy, you are the best mommy in the whole world!"

Me: "Awwww, thanks, honey! And you are the best daughter in the whole world!"

Ava: "I don't want any snacks or treats made out of coconuts."

Me: "..."

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Ava: (looking at herself in the mirror) "Oooooooh I look fashionable!"

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Ava: (as we're leaving the drive-thru window of the pharmacy) "I WANTED A LOLLIPOP! WHY DIDN'T THEY GIVE ME ONE?!"

Me: "Well, maybe they already gave them away to the kids who weren't having tantrums."

Ava: "Well, I should find those kids and kick them!"

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Ava: (angry at me for something) "I AM YOUR KID! YOU LISTEN TO MY RULES!"


Yeah....how about NO, Ava?

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Ava: "Are we going to the butt store? To buy a new butt for me?"

Me: "No. Why on earth would we need to buy you a butt?!"

Ava: "Because this one I've got has a crack in it!"


She didn't come up with that on her own, we've made comments about her butt being cracked to her, but it was pretty funny that she repeated it.

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Ava: (to my dad, while they were tickling each other) "Stop whining, Papa! You're not a little girl anymore!"

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Ava: (doing something with her foot that had me nervous that she'd get hurt)

Me: "Ava, stop that! You could get hurt! Your foot could get cut off!"

Ava: "Haha! If that happened, you'd have to call me 'Hoppy!'"

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Ava: "I want to take my baby doll to school with me today!"

Me: "No, honey, sorry--we don't take dolls to school."

Ava: (mindful of the allergies of some of her classmates) "Why? Do they have nuts inside?"

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Ava: "How do cows have babies?"

Me: "They grow in their tummies."

Ava: (in a tone of voice that indicates her belief that I'm just talking nonsense) "Cows don't have tummies!"

later in the week...

Ava: "How do cows get babies?"

Me: "The same way all mammals get babies."

Ava: "Oh. And how do they come out?"

Me: "Through a hole."

Ava: "Oh, okay! And then the doctor gets the baby cow out!"

Me: "Sure."

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Ava: (Singing "Living on a Prayer"...yes, she is obsessed with this song) "We've got to hold on, ready or not, you live for the fight when that's all that you've got!"

*pauses to consider this for awhile*

"Mommy, why does he live for the fight?"

Me: "I have no idea."

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At Target, when I refuse to give in to Ava's demands to buy her everything she wants....

Ava: "You're a bad mommy!"

Me: "Ava, that's not kind. What do you say to mommy?"

Ava: "Banana peanut!"

Me: "Excuse me...?!"

Ava: "BANANA PEANUT."

Me: (trying not to laugh) "Ava, no. I was thinking more along the lines of 'I'm sorry!'"

Ava: "NO. Banana. Peanut. BANANAPEANUT!!!!!"

Me: (laughing too hard to pursue receiving an apology)